My First Blog

So, here we go then. My first blog. As a prelude to what i presume(though most of my presumptions end up biting the dust) is to be a long tryst with blogging, i wanna say that i begin this, not to join another herd of humanity from all over the planet, though i would indeed accomplish the same in doing so, but for a reason unknown to me.
Ever since i was introduced to the concept of blogging, (by accident), it has held a certain charm for me. The way people can divulge their innermost thoughts for the world to see, its got to be liberating feeling. Just like in school after you've talked to a friend and told her/him about a crush you have. Also i'm here to organise my own thoughts, just like the introduction to this websites claims for blogging to do.

I've been living for a long time with a truly, and comically tragic and messed up mind. Its not that i'm one of those people(commonly referred to as "losers") who sit by themselves in a corner. What they do then is think, thought which is unabashed by comments of their "friends", jeering of people who think they are superior in some way or the other. Thats right, i speak so much in their favour coz i've been there myself, and i speak for myself and by experience when i say they are much better off than you, you being all those who are mistakenly, coincidentally, sometimes by choice and sometimes, and i say this with extreme sarcasm, by plain chance, in the company of people who you have suddenly come to realise, you don't even like, let alone care about. Its a strange feeling isn't it, not knowing what the the hell you've been doing all this time.

Not just in such a case, just like, for example, you've been playing a game, in the beginning trying to learn the mechanisms and hooplas of it all. Without having the slightest inkling of an idea whats happening, you go to the next phase of the game. You've learnt how to play it, and are now becoming increasingly proficient at it. Little accomplishments, little goals you achieve, which you never knew had been set for you by yourself, give you such unparalleled happiness that you're in high spirits the entire day and more. Then one day you realise you've become so dexterous with the game and take it for granted. Thats when the shit really hits the fan. The next day(or the next month, or year, depending on your own whatever) you suddenly realise you don't like the game anymore. But you still must play it coz thats the only thing you're good at anymore. You can't live without it even though it drives you so mind bogglingly crazy that you have to shut your mind completely from it, but you can't. You're too attached. And thats when you stop caring. You dont care you're getting increasingly incompetent at the game but still play it coz thats the only thing you know how to do. You liberate yourself from the very thing you used to enjoy so much, thinking about the meaningless pleasure and satisfaction it gave you. You do miss it, but not so much. Coz you're free now. Free of a petty thing you used to want to dedicate your entire life to. You keep playing it then. Without even knowing you're doing it, but still doing it. You're not addicted to it, but still just can't do without it. Thats when you've lost the game. Coz you're not really playing anymore.

You're just a spectator, a spectator of your own life. And you're watching it pass you by. There are so many things you can do about it. But you don't. Why? Coz you dont feel like it. You don't care about that shit anymore, you don't care about your life anymore. You don't care anymore. That's the worst place to be. Knowing there's so much you can do to help yourself, but still not doing squat, not because something is holding you back, but because you just don't want to.


The game will always go on. You may want to play it, or not.


Well. I hope i didn't get too depressing there. Sorry i couldn't be more subtle and fancy in my choice of words back there. Excuse my spellings and stuff. i'll be careful about crossing my i's and dotting my t's in the future, if that makes sense.
i'm not wholly unfunny though, as you might realise in later posts(if they do come). Thats it for the first one. C ya.